Your Roots Are Showing

Lately there have been a combination of things making me feel like a teenager again. Those who know me best understand that I am a perpetual seventeen-year-old trapped in an adult's body, but sometimes it's more pronounced. I recently responded to a friend and former colleague's call for submissions on the importance of music. Then, this weekend, I reverted to my classic Riot Grrrl haircut, last seen in my first year of college.

2001


2012


When I first got these blunt-cut bangs, I wore them as both physical armor and a cultural marker. Anyone else who was in-the-know could pinpoint my subculture just by looking at me. It happened a few times, though not as often as I'd have hoped. Some guy tried to pick me up at a party once by saying "You're a Riot Grrrl, aren't you! I bet you play the bass." To his credit, it was better than the old "did it hurt when you fell from heaven" routine. As if anyone could mistake me as having fallen from heaven. Later, as I was moving into my dorm room at the California State Summer School for the Arts, I was spied by a girl with the same haircut who, upon seeing my bangs and my bright red hair and my Sleater-Kinney tshirt, exclaimed, "You're a Riot Grrrl! You're cool!" It's as simple as that sometimes.



It makes me think of a line in my favorite book. "[Mary Elizabeth] wears her hair to make somebody mad." I'm not trying to make anybody mad (not even my mother, who was convinced that my minor teenage rebellions were all about her); I just want to be interesting. My god do I want to be interesting. What other reason is there to live?

I sometimes wonder if other people are cursed with the feeling of abject alienation a good chunk of the time. It's easier to be just like everybody else. I liken it to a concept Margaret Cho often references. She talks about how easy it would be to just up and move to another country where things are better, but she has chosen to stay and fight. Moving out of my dead-end hometown notwithstanding, I have chosen to stay and fight. Maybe that's what inspired me to go back to this hairstyle - I don't know. What I do know is I'm always willing to stand apart from the crowd rather than compromise my integrity, no matter how much the loneliness hurts. To tie this all back to the beginning, I have Riot Grrrl music to thank for this often-excessive self confidence. My roots are showing.